Insomnia
by MetalChickCrisis2040
Summary: Post GITS: SAC SSS. Togusa develops a bout of insomnia, unable to stop thinking about the Major. He decides to take a much needed drive, and finds himself at a shabby pub. Imagine his surprise when a certain violet haired woman is also out for a drink.
1. Sleep Deprivation

**Disclaimer:** In my dreams.

**Title: I**nsomnia

**Pairing: **Motoko/Togusa

**Chapter:** _Sleep Deprivation_

**Rating: T**

**Summary: **_Post- GITS: SAC SSS_. Togusa develops a bout of insomnia, unable to stop thinking about the Major. Needing some fresh air, he decides to take a much needed drive, and finds himself at a shabby pub several blocks away from his own residency. What a surprise it is to find none other than the woman that had been on his mind as of late, and what's more shocking; she too can't seem to focus because he's been on her mind.

**Authors Note: **So I was watching Solid State Society, and this just popped into my head. Don't criticize me on this or that. I wrote it just to write it. Not to get the facts right, or any of that bull. It's a fan-fic so just enjoy it and stop being such a critic. Oh and by the way, Togusa is divorced. Yeah, I know he isn't but still. My fic and I say he's divorced. Been that way since AFTER the Major left, and well. You'll find out why. I intended this to be a one-shot, but I ended it here for now. I suppose I'll have it be three chapters. Nothing too fancy, no action or any of the normal GITS goodness. Just a plain old fluff-ish romance fiction without the "bleh".

**Read +Review+ Enjoy!**

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It wasn't the sound of the roaring helicopters that whirled passed his window that kept him awake. Nor the sound of rain tapping against the many surfaces outside of his residency. It wasn't even the sound of his neighbor's television that was much too loud, or these walls were indeed paper thin. An irritated sigh left Togusa's tense form. Even with the curtains drawn to contain the moonlight, he couldn't fall asleep. Every single time he closed his eyes, he replayed the memory. Perhaps what surprised him was the fact that this memory wasn't about the children; though, of course he thought about them. The Chief had suggested he take it easy on that subject. A family man didn't need to think on such things. Especially with the ordeal he'd gone through prior. Things would find their rightful place. Or so, he said.

Instead, the memory plaguing him was that of seeing the Major after so long. The fact that he knew, just _knew_it was her who came to his rescue… well, if it could be called that. Regardless if she was using him to find out information. He had been in good hands… But that wasn't the point. Fact was, he knew who she was even before his vision focused. A blurry image was usually to never be trusted. But he knew. The feeling he got right when the trigger went off, the feeling he got when he opened his eyes. It was a feeling only one woman had ever been able to accomplish. Togusa had never been able to describe this feeling. He couldn't put it in words, couldn't even begin to ponder what it was. The more he thought on it, the more confused he became. Why was it Motoko was able to install such a strong want inside of him? Not even his ex-wife could. He supposed, that was the reason he chose to leave the woman in the first place.

After the Major had left Section 9, the Chief had all offered the position as squad leader over to him. Of course, Batou was asked first. But said man only turned down the promotion. He wasn't "cut out for that sort of thing". The new position required a lot more hours to be spent working. Even when at home. Togusa didn't like bringing his work home. He rather that be time for his kids and wife, but now that he had all this responsibility, it wouldn't have been fair on his wife. They'd grown apart. If it wasn't the look in her eyes giving them small hints that their relationship wasn't going to work out any longer, it was the fact that they both had their bags packed every night. Just waiting for the other to call the quits. In the end, it had been Togusa who moved out and got an apartment a few blocks from his family. His wife had understood, and he could see the kids whenever he pleased so… it didn't work out in any foul way at all.

The only thing that had hindered him in the slightest, had been when she asked him why. That simple word poised in a question. It was loaded, far too many whys brought into a single one. Why did he want a divorce after all this time? Why had he noticed their deteriorating marriage, and simply let it be? Why did he pull over time when he didn't need to. Why did he often space out in the shower, or at the breakfast table. Why did he not want to have sex anymore. There were so many many more whys. Just, _why._

With a grunt, Togusa threw the covers off his form, and threw his legs over the side of the bed. His shoulder length hair hung down around his face as dark orbs burned holes into the carpet. He knew the answer. It had never changed. And he was surprised to find that his wife had already knew. --

"_Its always been her." Despite having been handed divorce papers, and watching her soon to be ex-husband walk out of her love life, she had long since come to terms with the fact that this day would come. It had always been a matter of time. The dreadful when. Togusa stood at the door, suitcase in hand; his back turned to his wife. "Should I wake the kids?"_

"_No. Let them sleep." He sighed, shutting his eyes, his head bowed. "Tell them… I'm working a big case. Daddy doesn't want to take any chances here at home. For a while." The blow of this to the children at this age would be devastating. They wouldn't understand. He had no choice but to tell little white lies until they were old enough to comprehend the situation. His fingers closed around the door knob, wanting to avoid his reason for doing this at any costs. _

"_I always knew the reason you enjoyed your job so much was because of that woman." There was no bitter resentment in her words. Only truth which caused Togusa to freeze, his eyes narrowing. "All you ever spoke about was your Major. How amazing she was… And when you used to day dream at the table, I always knew it was her."_

_There was a moment of silence between them. Followed by two sighs that erupted at the same time._

"_I'm sorry." Was all he said before the sound of the door shutting echoed throughout the room. --_

That had been exactly three months after Motoko left. Three months without communication, three months of wondering if she would ever return. That thought had never left his mind. And now. Now that she were, or possibly was, back… He just didn't know what to do.

'This was why you left everything behind in the first place. To find out just what it is you feel for her.'

Despite the situation on his end, he didn't even know how the Major in turn felt about him. As far as he was concerned, they usually only had chance encounters around headquarters. Random meetings upon the rooftops to either chat about a mission, or to just chat about anything that came to mind. He'd only been to her residence once, and she had come over only twice at his place. Once to pick him up when his car had gotten grotesquely demolished during one of their cases; and again when he invited her over for a casual dinner with his ex-wife and family.

It was during those times, when she seemed to be more of a woman than a soldier. Togusa had been one of the very few men to recognize the Major as a woman. Yeah, she could kick some ass, but she was still just like any other. She had feelings. Had interests. Was vulnerable. He'd witnessed it himself. That small dinner date had opened his eyes enough. --

"_Daddy, daddy! Can Mot'ko also come wead me a bed time stowy." The voice of his little girl sounded laced with the days activities, her arms outstretched towards her father as he bent down to pick her up. They'd finished eating dinner a few minutes before, it was naturally time to lay the little ones down to sleep. With a glance towards his wife, and the small nod of approval, his eyes shot to Motoko. The violet haired woman gave a rare smile, one that suggested otherwise of her true nature. "Yay!"_

_Motoko had chosen to sit on the other side of the bed, leaning back against the headboard as Togusa's daughter leaned back against her breasts. Togusa took a seat opposite of Motoko, holding his child as the Major finished the story off. He'd been too busy watching her to even notice that his daughter had fallen asleep. Or that the story was finished, and said woman was gazing at him with a warm hearted smile. _

"_She's a beautiful girl." Motoko muttered quietly as Togusa shut the door. The man turned towards his superior officer, shoving his hands into his pockets as a proud grin marred his handsome face. "You must be very proud."_

"_I am." He smiled, taking in the Major's distant look. Her features were soft, eyes open unlike the usual stoic expression she wore. She'd even dressed appropriately for the dinner. Not that Togusa minded her otherwise every day wear. He was just surprised her wardrobe even had jeans and a sweater. Though, it was nice. To see her dress down, and even remove the façade she once kept up. There wasn't any need to prove strength around his family. "Thank you for joining us tonight, Major." _

"_Please. Its Motoko." The smile on her face carried them into the living room. After his wife had gone to bed, the two carried a conversation onto the roof of the complex. It was then, that Togusa really noticed her. "To tell you the truth. I don't know where I see myself, years from now. Will I still be working with Section 9, or will my interests have moved elsewhere. The only thing sure about the future is uncertainty…" Her form arms rested on the guard rail, body lent forward as her eyes gazed off at the city lights. _

_Deciding to mirror her position, Togusa allowed himself to bask in her words. Simply listening. _

"_Unlike you, who already has a family and a career going for him, I really don't know where else I could possibly end up." _

"_There are a ton of options out there for you. I'm sure that, if and when the time comes, you'll figure it out. That's what your best at, Ma-- Motoko." A light blush split across his face, feeling her eyes move to him. He knew she wore a smirk then, even though he tried to not look her way. Since when had their relationship changed? Small talks turned into deep, meaningful conversations. He wondered if Batou ever got this privilege… _

"_I'm not so sure. I guess we'll just have to wait and see then."_

"_Yeah… I mean. Ten years ago, if you would have asked me where I saw myself today… I'd probably have told you I were going to be some big shot detective." _

_The two shared a laugh, the stars above them shining down with their graces as time slowly passed by. --_

That night. She had showed him that behind that tough exterior and front she normally put up, she was just a woman. Someone who admired those who could have families. Togusa found himself wanting to know more about her. Wanting to be the one she let in. Although, after that night, had been when things turned to worse. Not long after, she'd left the Section. Without even so much as a goodbye to him. She didn't contact him afterwards. Didn't even leave anything behind. A note, nothing.

All of this thinking had begun to hinder his thought process, ultimately making sleep impossible. With another sigh, the man pushed up from the bed and begun to get dressed in simple wear. Jeans and a T-shirt with a black jacket. Grabbing his wallet and keys from the bed side table, Togusa maneuvered around the darkened apartment, leaving it with haste.

Twenty minutes later, he found himself parking on a local street; just outside a flashing sign that read, "open". The small joint was that of a pub. A place that sold cheap beer, and had free complimentary peanuts. A small tavern, big enough for a few three seater tables, and the bar itself. Stools lined the bar all around. Brushing the rain from his hair, Togusa entered the pub with the hopes of getting this damned woman off his mind. But, he found that now that would be most impossible.


	2. Beauty in Violet

**Disclaimer:** In my dreams.

**Title: I**nsomnia

**Pairing: **Motoko/Togusa

**Chapter:** _Beauty in Violet_

**Rating: T**

**Summary: **_Post- GITS: SAC SSS_. Togusa develops a bout of insomnia, unable to stop thinking about the Major. Needing some fresh air, he decides to take a much needed drive, and finds himself at a shabby pub several blocks away from his own residency. What a surprise it is to find none other than the woman that had been on his mind as of late, and what's more shocking; she too can't seem to focus because he's been on her mind.

**Authors Note:** I know Motoko is a cyborg and all that. The issue that she has "feelings" always being a case to burst our bubbles. So, I decided to cut all the beating around the bush bull shit out and go on a record, for my fic, she DOES possess human attributes. Flame me all you want about that, but in order for this fic to work out like I want it to, there has to be something mutual going on. As for the rating of this fic, I imagine it will stay at a T. Less it be requested that there be some sexual activity to go on. In that case, I'd bump it up to a M for the third, and final chapter. But seeing as how this anime section seems almost dead when it comes to readers, or the ones that review, I'll most likely end up omitting the smut and inferring it. We'll see. Let me know what you think so far.

Also, I know that in most of the incarnations, Togusa only has a daughter. Though, I put "children" in the first chapter because in the incarnation of SAC universe he also has a son. And I do apologize for any grammar mistakes. Word Doc doesn't always capture the errors, and I have no beta. Work with me here.

**Read +Review+ Enjoy!**

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After Batou had left, the violet haired cyborg found her old loft to be less than comfortable. In truth, she hadn't really ever let the human emotion of loneliness get to her; but when one under went such a tough case, it was to be expected. After all, it wasn't like she didn't have some human significance. She'd been born a human, having needed the cyborgization due to an extremely bad accident when she was just a small child. A sour expression over took her face at that. Despite everything; she still didn't have memories of that incident. With a heartfelt sigh, Motoko took a lingering glance out of her largely window, taking note to the rain before heading on into her closet space for something to wear. Surely she still had some garments lying around.

Several minutes of rummaging later, the Major settled on her old low riding-hip hugging black jeans, and a rather revealing red halter top. Deciding to go down a different route with foot wear; choosing a pair of high-heeled stylish boots. The low rise was hidden by her jeans, the toes of the 'boots' cut out. Grabbing a woman's fitted black jacket that stopped just after her waist, she tied the sash around the coat together and curled the collar up.

'_Now… I wonder if any of the boys went out for a drink tonight… I guess I'll just have to find out.' _

Despite the pouring rain, Motoko had managed to evade traffic (oh, how she _hated_ it!), and make it to a pub she was used to hanging out at. Though, there was one minor thing wrong. The place was completely dead! Save the bartender who greeted her enthusiastically. Even so much as going to offer a free drink for every hour she spent there. The offer was too good to pass up, and seeing as how she didn't exactly have anything else to do, or any where else to go for that matter…

With a small smile, she nodded to the bartender, and proceeded to remove her jacket. The rain could still be heard pouring outside. This abandoned street having minimal cars; though it added to a peaceful nature. Especially since the lighting in this place was more of an ambiance thing. The lights consisted of a couple top fans; and several candles. The flicker caught her attention as she sat down at the bar.

"Haven't seen you in a while… The usual?" The man behind the bar gave a smile; his large appearance probably the reason why many decided to give this tavern a miss. Although, while he had a rough exterior, Motoko knew him to be a kind giant. She smiled at the faint memories, nothing but good times, they were.

"I see business is slow… like usual." The smirk on her face was painfully obvious, but the bartender knew her and her mysterious sense of humor.

"Yes… Not much has been going on since you and your team have stopped dropping by."

"Stopped, you say?"

"I haven't seen any of you in almost two years." The man stated simply, sliding her shot down towards her. With expert reflexes, the Major shot out her hand and caught the drink without so much as a tiny spill.

Motoko became silent a moment as she gazed at the flickering of a candle, which danced upon her drinks reflection. So they hadn't been back? That was a shocker… Then again, it had been sort of a group thing. A lot must have really changed when she left the Section. Sighing, the Major downed the shot in one gulp. The liquid oozing like fire down her throat before emanating a cool sensation to calm every cyborg nerve in her body. With a lift of her hand, she ordered a few more rounds on the spot.

"Did you have a falling out?" His question went slightly unnoticed, and she gave him a sort of puzzling look. It was almost like she were asking who. "Your team." He re-stated, sliding a tray with her orders down. Grabbing a plain white cloth, he began to wash already clean surfaces, humming a tune as the Major retreated into her own world of thought.

She never really put much deliberation into what would happen if she left the group. And when she had, she still didn't think on it too much. Distraction was something she didn't need in her line of work. Not to say they all didn't make a great team. Because, really, they were the best. She'd made sure to choose those who could effectively interact with each other, and add their own symbolism. Add their own aurora. It gave them a sort of roomy feeling; like a family. When one had a crisis, it involved them all. Be it personal, or not. Motoko could remember several times when she had done things out of personal interest. Because they involved her team members.

Especially Togusa.

The violet haired woman narrowed her eyes at the thought of the man. Even after two years of separation, she still got that damned feeling when around him. It was the whole reason she couldn't stand to be at her apartment. The reason she bid Batou a goodnight instead of letting him sleep over. Truth was, even though the brute had feelings for her, Motoko didn't feel the same way. She didn't have any mutual attraction towards him. He'd stayed over once before, and the two had sex. Just plain, casual sex. Nothing more, and it wasn't really even worth the memory. He wasn't any different than any other men she'd had. Being single for so long often had its disadvantages. Despite the perks of it. She could only take so much of e-sex.

But none of that was the point. Aside from yearning for a married man, she couldn't really do anything more than fantasize. Not that she cared much about admitting that. It only seemed a bit unfair that she could be so damn good at what she did, and have one hell of a body to boot; but not get the attention of the one she wanted to notice her the most. God, things were seriously fucked up. How could she fall in love with a married man? Who had a family, nonetheless. If anything spelled one sided. Or unrequited. Maybe the whole reason she really left was to avoid this feeling she had for him. Wanting to get as far away from him as possible, seeing as how working with him only made the problem worse. Fate had its cruel intentions, as here she was. Pondering the Chief's request for her to return to Section 9. Not only that, but Togusa himself had asked her to come back. Meaning he was more than willing to give up his promoted position.

'_Hmph. Probably so he'll get to spend more time with his family… Not that I blame him. But… still, I…' _

"M-major?"

The sudden voice caused a momentary lull. Motoko froze for a moment, before her crimson eyes turned towards the man standing at the entrance of the pub.

"Togusa?"

"Oh? Long time no see, Mr. Togusa." The bartender greeted with a grin, making his way around the bar and rummaging through his supplies and stock. "What will I be getting you this evening?"

Having been too enthralled to see the Major here, Togusa didn't reply right away. Instead, he found himself admiring the woman sitting on the barstool. He couldn't deny the feeling of desire that welled inside him. The thirst of lust that washed over his form at the way her tank top accentuated her lovely curves. How her jeans seemed to give way to her strong, curvy, and lithe physique. How her tank top rode up in the back to reveal her toned back. Her hair hung over her shoulders; giving him a wonderful view of her neck.

"Um.. Ah, I'll have what she's having." Togusa finally mustered, removing his coat. Suddenly, the temperature upped itself twenty fucking degrees.

'…_Now I definitely won't be able to sleep…' _

And to think he worked with this babe. Taking a seat beside her, Togusa leaned his forearms on the bar, the two silent. Who was to begin this conversation? What was to be said? Two years, they could start anywhere. On anything. Although, Togusa had never been sure how to start a conversation with the Major. When she wasn't commanding them, she was _commanding _them. While it was easy to spurt up something during work, random babble, or even a joke. It was an entirely different situation when you hadn't seen someone for a good amount of time. Motoko had been gone for two years. There wasn't enough time for all the things he wanted to say and ask.

"I really am sorry, you know." Her voice broke through the silence, causing Togusa to turn his attention over to her. What was she talking about? "For using you to get information on the Solid State Society."

'_She's still bothered by that…?'_

"Major, its fine, really, I--"

"I put your life at risk, Togusa. When you had your daughter with you, no less. I can't help but feel as if I owe it to you." With a soft shrug of her shoulders, she downed another shot, crimson hues focusing on a flame.

"Regardless, we can't change the past." He took a shot. "I was in good hands, at least."

That made her smile. With a soft chuckle, Motoko lifted a shot and held it up for him. A simple toast gesture.

"To?" Togusa asked, raising his glass to her own.

She seemed to think on it a moment. The bar tender having left them to their own privacy to cleanse the tables behind them. Again, they didn't really need cleansing.

"To…new beginnings." A smile erupted on both their faces, eyes meeting the others just as they touched glasses, and downed their drinks.

A few minutes of silence passed. Either thinking of what to say now. It usually wasn't this difficult to devise some conversation. And it wasn't as if the other presence in the room was a bother to them. Motoko's soft features were set in a peaceful smile, Togusa noted. A look he had missed all too much. There were times, when they were working a case, that he needed to see this side of her. It was something that his sanity depended on. Hours at a time during a stake out, she was what got him through. One smile from her and he could take on anything. Or so, that's how he felt.

Turning his eyes down towards his empty shot-glass, dark orbs found the translucent object mesmerizing. Only for the simple fact that he could feel her next to him. Too long, had they been apart.

"A lot has happened… since you left." His words flooded over her, causing the smile on her face to slim down. Her lips pulled in a firm thin line, eyebrows narrowing. They delayed this conversation enough.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Well… As you know. I was promoted. The Chief wanted Batou… but he was too busy preoccupied with the fact that you had to come back. I never knew that… being the leader would take so much responsibility."

"Hum." Motoko smiled a bit at that, leaning back slightly as she glanced over at him. "What did you expect then? A boring desk job, with more than enough papers to fill out?"

"Hm. No, not at all." He grinned. "I just thought… I don't know. You always made it look so easy. I guess, in the end, I realized just why I took the job, and didn't complain when…" His eyes narrowed. He never talked about this. Not with anyone. It wasn't something he found joy in discussing. For one, it meant a failure on his part. Even though everyone makes mistakes, Togusa didn't want to be the one who made this one. Even if the cause was something so precious to him. After a few minutes of silence, Motoko inhaled a deep breath of air before taking a slight risk, and reaching over to place her hand over his own. She could tell just by the look in his eyes that what he was telling her was something very close to his heart. Something he trusted her enough with knowing.

Her firm squeeze seemed to be all he needed, his gaze lifting to her own as he intertwined their fingers. Neither was sure just why this contact was initiated. But both seemed to feel that it felt right.

"Three months after you left, my wife and I got a divorce."

The words that came from his mouth shocked her.

"But why? Togusa, what happened?" Concern filled her, her body turning towards his own completely. What could have caused such a separation? Motoko knew how tight Togusa's family was. For a guy who spent most his time working, his wife sure knew how to be understanding. So just what was it that could have caused things to go so badly?

"Well, Major--"

"How many times do I have to tell you? Its Motoko."

He flushed.

"Right. Motoko…" For Togusa, this was where it counted. Where it began. He needed for her to hear him, for her to stay here with him. Swallowing all his pride and doubts, Togusa's grip tightened on her hand. This little gesture only caused the growing anxiety within Motoko. "You see. There's something I never realized until the day you left. Ever since you recruited me into Section 9, I've been grateful. You changed my life. I finally got the chance to do things that would be meaningful not just over a short span of time, but for many years to come. It was thanks to you that I was able to finally see just what I really wanted."

"My life was without excitement. It lacked a very component I needed. My wife, she couldn't… things had gotten boring. Dull. It became too much of a routine. One that would only grow more distant. The longer I spent at work, the more our relationship faded. We went from being deeply in love, to being best friends again."

He paused, his eyes focusing on their joined hands. The violet haired woman sat beside him, listening intently. She could feel a sensation burning in the pit of her stomach. Something that made her anxious beyond belief.

"Before we knew it, we were no longer in love and the only thing keeping us together were our kids. But it wasn't just the job that drew me from her. It was…you."

His words shot through her. Harder than anything. Her body froze, eyes gazing at him as he turned his brown hues on her.

"I'm not sure when it happened… But, I fell in love with you, Motoko. And when you left, I… I couldn't seem to go home anymore. I couldn't think properly. Every thought was filled with you. I couldn't get you out of my head. And it only took losing you to realize all this."

Feelings rushed through her as if she were some kind of emotional void. Cyborg's weren't supposed to feel this damn conflicted! She was so happy. So damn happy that he felt the same as she did. Though, she was also sad. Sad that his wife had to go through this because of him. Angry that his kids would forever wonder what was wrong with their parents. Wonder why their father was never around. But then, she was overjoyed that now, she could finally move forward with them without feeling like a home wrecker.

Despite these feelings, she tried to pull her hand away, her eyes falling from his own.

But he wouldn't allow it.

The two stumbled off the barstools, Motoko struggling to get his hand off of her own. Without even realizing what had happened, she found her back pressed against the wall, her hands pinned on either side of her. What was he…

"I'm the one who should be sorry… I should have never let you go!"

"Togusa…" Her voice was a breathy whisper. So husky to his ears that he felt something inside him pull, and then give way. Thanking God for their height difference, Togusa moved in. Using his weight to pin her against the wall, his mouth descended onto hers. Their lips met briefly for a moment, Togusa pulling back to allow Motoko's shaky breath before he gazed into her eyes for approval. The shining orbs reflected his feelings back, giving him the final push he needed. Undoing their hands, his arms wrapped themselves around her waist, encasing her to his strong chest. Once again, their lips met, longer this time. Her mouth opened, his tongue immediately seeking the entry to connect with her own. Electricity flew through them, lighting up their bodies, and igniting them on fire. Motoko moaned into his mouth, lifting her arms and wrapping them tightly around his neck.

Several minutes later, they pulled apart; panting like rabid animals. Her eyes were lit with a hunger. Something Togusa had never seen before, but liked nonetheless. Their breaths mingled for several minutes before he pulled back a bit more to rest his forehead on her own.

Gods, what a kiss! She didn't know cyborg's could get weak in the knees…

"I suppose this is the part where I confess my own undying love for you?" She smirked, earning a grin from him before his lips met her own. And this time she was wholly prepared and accepting. "Mmm, your place or mine?" She muttered upon the small interlude they took to gather air. Togusa could only gaze into her eyes before kissing her again. Oh, they had years and many, many months to make up for.

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**End Notes:** I don't know if they were a little OOC or not… Wait, actually I guess they would be since they're together! Ah well, the next chapter is the third and final. Like I said, I might just omit the sex. I could always do a one shot for Togusa/Motoko with the 'M' rating. I want to end this fic on a different note than smut. A little suggestive line should do the trick, don't you think?


End file.
